I am well aware that midnight usually means that the current day has ended. Had I not been working ceaselessly on my new novel (read: surfing the Internet and checking email), I would’ve remembered to pay you when it was still July 14th. It was only an hour into July 15th! I don’t see why we have to be so structured about time. It’s not like it’s linear or anything.

Imagine my horror when you would not take “same day” payment. I argued with the form three times (I’m a slow learner), but it insisted on posting my payment on July 16, 2008. I only hyperventilated for an hour. For the next three, I alternated throwing up and weeping hysterically. I save complete freak-outs for special occasions–like paying the IRS a … day … LATE. (Excuse me. I need to find a paper bag.)

I tried to call you. Twice, I wended my way through your electronic system. The soothing female voice guiding me through the options failed to offer me the one I needed: A human being. An IRS-type human being with the power to mark in a database somewhere that my payment was made and therefore, no government official has to come to my house and take my firstborn or my kidneys.

Then FINALLY, I reached a lovely person who gave me her name (L-something) and her operator number (28-something). I explained what happened and asked her advice. She said she was only an operator, but she could transfer me to the department. I think she said “calm down” approximately 42 times with an occasional “you really should take your meds, ma’am.”

She transferred me to the appropriate department. The soothing female voice came online and said that due to the amount calls (that because of YOU, all you people who got to keep their stimulus checks), the IRS could not answer MY call. And then she hung up on me.

So, I made my payment a day late. No big deal. It’s not like the IRS will demand a blood tribute or human sacrifice.

Right?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 4:07 pm and is filed under I Love Everybody (Only Not Really), That Totally Sucks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.