Do you really need another blog about the Romantic Times convention? Of course, you don’t, but I’m doing one anyway. My BFFs Renee, Terri, Dakota, and Jaynie attempted to sum up the whole trip and even included pictures, but I’m too lazy to write about five freaking days in copious detail. Here are the highlights … or whatever.

Funniest story told… Renee Bernard’s “How I Met the Senior Editor of Harlequin,” which included a hilarious re-enactment with hand gestures and tongue flickering.

Favorite picture with story… Seeing my friend Tricia so goggly and giggly over meeting Adrian Paul and my other friend Nancy shoving her toward the hunka-hunka so Tricia could get a picture with him. Those pictures were awesome (and damn, he’s cute), but mostly, it was Tricia’s reaction that was the best evah.

My biggest moment as a bully… When I forced Renee George to meet St. Martin’s editor Monique Patterson, and then bullied MaryJanice Davidson into introducing them. Okay, no one can really bully MJD, but I poked Renee in the back several times while whispering fiercely, “Go introduce yourself, damn it.” But you know, I also introduced Jaynie to L.A. Banks and Christine Feehan in a very nice way, so that balances the karmic tables … right?

The Nina Bangs retribution… Delivered by Dakota Cassidy when J.R. Ward BOWED to Dakota and then said, with crossed fingers, “we’re like this.” I looked at Dakota and asked, “Did she just freaking bow to you? To YOU?” And she cocked her hip and swung her raven locks, and said with a smile, “Yes, she did. And that’s for Nina Bangs, Michele Bardsley.” To which I say: Can I help it that Nina Bangs waited in line to get a copy of Don’t Talk Back to Your Vampire? Neener, neener.

New favorite alcoholic beverage… the Godiva chocolate martini. I discovered this lovely concoction at Max & Erma’s in Pittsburgh. Then the Nanchez bought me one at the hotel’s piano bar. I invited MaryJanice to have a sip, and the ho drank it all. She said she barely resisted licking the chocolate drizzle off the rim, but you know she did when no one was looking.

The screw-up that pissed me off the most… Not getting the early copies of Because Your Vampire Said So to the RT bookfair after my BFF Terri Smythe and the peeps at NAL worked their asses off to make it happen. And darling Heather, I still say it was the bookseller and not FedEx, but thanks for trying to fix it. To all the readers who popped by my signing table two and three times: I’m sorry. A round of chocolate martinis for everyone.

Random quote heard at RT that you won’t understand… “A penis hanging off your elbow.”

Favorite movie watched on pay-per-view… Juno. Juno was so boss.We also rented Jumpers and P.S. I Love You. Loved them all, and P.S. totally made me cry. (How hot is Jeffrey Dean Stanton? Whew!)

The most complicated question ever asked… Delivered by a very tired Dakota Cassidy who couldn’t stop creating a query so convoluted that by the time she was finished, no one could figure out how to answer it. Hell, nobody could figure out what she’d asked. BTW, props to Jaynie who lied her Aussie ass off about the time so we could all leave ten minutes early.

Holy God, that’s yummy chocolate… Goes to Sarris, which Jose Lugo bought for me and I just finished it all off today and wish I had a bigger box. Dare I say it kicked Godiva’s ass? Hmm. Better not.

Coolest chicks in costumes (and most fabulous shoes)… my friend Cici and her sis Ericka. OMG. We went shopping with Renee, Lori, and Space, and Ericka was walking toward us on the subway, and her zombie wound was showing. LOL.

When we all sat down for the Evening Temptation mixer, the cover models lined up behind us. MaryJanice Davidson said to the cover model standing behind her … “I better not feel a roll of quarters against my neck!” And Dakota looked at the talkative one and said… “Ssshhh. Just be pretty.” Once again, I didn’t actually get to eat any of the food or have any of the wine (perhaps because the previous night, I had a little too much … ahem). My favorite part was writing all the snarky comments on the totes, even though my brain fried and I had to ask Dakota to “gimme something to write!”

Favorite prank… Terri, the evil mastermind, came up with a brilliant idea. So, me and Dakota writing 24 snark-filled Post-It notes given to readers standing in MJD’s line at the bookfair. We wrote things like, “Save the dolphins, eat a mermaid named Fred” followed by “Fred tastes like chicken.” Oh, there were others. And we were mean. We expect MJD to visit her wrath upon us any day now. We also dragged Jackie Kessler into it by using her Post-It notes in the commission of these libelous crimes, which she totally loved.

I finally got to meet Lori (who told me when I was being flirted with … no, really?) and can so freaking sing, baby, and then when I hugged her hubby Space and asked, “Are we friends yet?” And he said… “Well, you rubbed your boobs across my chest.” And I said, “If I’d know that was it all it took, I would’ve done it sooner.”

Roomies who kicked ass… Renee and Terri and almost Juanita, who couldn’t make it last-minute but who is showing up to Orlando, damn it!

Readers I met for the first time… Beth, Jeana, Linda, Megan, Blake, and Brenda. I saw Beth at my first workshop and she kept pointing to her shirt, and I was thinking, why the hell is that chick pointing at her chest? Then she shoved up her jacket sleeve and I saw the tattoo of I’m the Vampire, That’s Why. LOL. Oh, and then there’s Brenda, who waited until Friday night to say hello, and then totally regretted not saying hello the four or so times she was standing next to me all the previous days. Jesus, Brenda! What did I freaking tell you? And don’t think that I’ve forgotten about the whole not-giving-me-chocolate thing, you and Jeana … have I taught you nothing?

Person who Renee and I hugged to death… Robin. She’s already thin, and I think we flattened her even more. Mwah, Robin!

Funniest battle over the sexual rights to Dakota… Fought between Rob and Jaynie. I’m pretty sure Rob won.

Best Fifteen-second Elevator Conversation… With Mark Henry. It happened like this. “Oh, my God, you’re Michele Bardsley.” “Oh, my God, you’re Mark Henry!” Then we talked about Dakota (at this point, every conversation I had at RT involved Dakota in some way) and that went something like this, “Oh, my God, she’s so funny.” “Hilarious!” “This is my floor. I’ll see you–” Well, I didn’t. But he’ll be at Conestoga and so will I. Chances are good we can have another elevator conversation. Heh.

And when the bartender denied us champagne… oh, hell no! Here’s how it went down: Our BFF Jaynie had her heart set on champagne to toast Miss Dakota for totally selling out her print run and kicking sales ass. So, me and Ter and Renee went to the bartender and said, we want champagne. He said, “We don’t serve it here, but you can order it from room service.” WTF? Then we’re like, fine. Then he says, “Oh, but you can’t take it down here. You can’t serve outside alcohol in the bar.” So I said, “How is champagne delivered within the hotel outside alcohol?” He had no answer for this, but he was damned sure we couldn’t bring room-service champagne into his bar. Yeah, dude. Watch us. Then we walk over to the hotel check-in and ask for the manager. Anyway, the manager probably spent ten minutes arguing with the bartender, but in the end, we got our freaking champagne served in the bar, thank you very much. And to Dakota … it was totally worth it all to toast to your success. We lubs ya!

So I probably forgot all kinds of stuff and didn’t mention people who need mentioning and it’s 3 a.m. and I’m sorry about my terrible memory and my sucky blog about RT, but gawd, just get over it already. I can’t wait for RT 2009 in Orlando. Oh, the stories we will tell…

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 26th, 2008 at 4:12 am and is filed under Disturbing the Public, I Love Everybody (Only Not Really), RT. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.